The Great Event of the Week

I have not written about the Great Event of the Week yet, aka one more reason for continuous cramps.
On Friday, at the gym (where I worked out with the other guy, not with the B&S guy...who chatted with me for a minute or two, but nonetheless had to stay with another person, and when we had to plan for this week he said that I could organise with the other guy, who from now on is going to be named the S&S guy - Sweet&Smiling Guy) (it bugs me, that I've had to work out with the S&S guy three times now, because now that I was ready to talk and all, I cannot be with him anymore! How unfair is that? And what can I do? Being a personal trainer he doesn't wander about the place looking here and there, but focuses on one person at a time.. So either I go talking to him while he's "working on" somebody or...I just don't do anything and look at him every now and then...), anyway, I went to the gym on Friday and among the casual warming chat (how are things going, thank God it's Friday, how are your shoulders feeling and please forgive me but on Fridays I tend to be slightly more bonkers than I usually am) he threw in the meeting to celebrate the first year of opening (I had already seen the notice on the door, actually...and my mind had already gone very, very far...): this meeting will take place on Thursday, which is..in two days' time, and it's a dinner, and I'm torn between so many feelings that I most certainly cannot be rational as I outline my thoughts.
Which are:
1. I would like to go, if only to spend a night out
2. I would like to go, if only to spend a night out looking at a guy whom I find attractive and therefore a couple of hours of looking at him could make me feel well
3. I would like to go, if only because most of the times a night out like this is a way to have unexpected fun
4. I'm scared at the idea of going, because there will be the usual trendy skinny bitchy girls, all smartly dresses and made up, looking at me and at my unmade face and not-so-smart-but-kinda-cool clothes;
5. I'm very scared at the idea of going because I will end up being with people I don't know who will know each other and therefore have fun with me trying to be a part of it and feeling like I am in the wrong place completely;
6. Not to mention the fact that the trendy skinny bitchy girls will be the heart of the night, talking and laughing and jokeing and being generally admired by all the men who will scarcely look at me, or will sometime notice me when I get up and leave, and then they will ask: "has she been here all evening? I've never seen her".
6. I'm terrified at the idea of going and spending the evening looking at a guy I find attractive, only to see that he's having fun and he's talking and laughing with the usual trendy skinny bitchy girls whose DNA is filled with flirty genomes - unlike mine.

The plan is as follows:
tonight I am going to the gym (before going on I should mention that I'm not happy with telephones. I'm not one who calls and chats, not even with my closest friends. I simply don't like it; I don't like calling to book visits or tables at the restaurant, or such. So this explains what I am going to say now), I'm going to the gym at 18.30. Actually, see?, on Friday the S&S guy and I decided that I would be there at 18.30, then on Saturday morning I got this message from the B&S guy who said that I was also going to have the massage at 19.00, so...what happens, I do half hour and then massage and then another half hour? Unlikely! And confusing. The idea to me is that I would start everything at 19 with the massage and go on afterwards with the work out. Which means that I will be there half hour earlier. And possibly look like a sissy, sitting there with my huge book (I've just started "Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrel"). Anyway.
So, gym, and then I will put my name on the list. Which I would like to do when the B&S guy is there, maybe while or right after planning our next meeting, although I have the feeling that next time too he will be with somebody else so I will actually be planning my next session with the S&S guy...But I will try and chat about the night a bit, with both of them. See their reactions. Somehow.
This is when my rational me comes out and screams WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????
On Sunday I was out with a very close friend of mine: love him to bits, he's so special. He can even make me feel well with myself, showing me the chances I could have if only I weren't always thinking over things the way I do.
I told him about a couple of things of this story: that the B&S guy had smiled when I told him that I was single, and that during a conversation that happened between him, two more guys and me as the only girl, he mentioned that he's single. My friend thought these facts as very significant. Said that I really had to catch this train, as he put it. And advised a couple of glasses of wine to relax. (...)
So, the final plan is to put my name on that list, calm down, select good clothes for the night, and take my mind off things. Carpe diem, enjoy the moment as it comes.
Not that this is ever going to happen...
Update on the subject on Friday morning.
And now, for something completely different...back to work!

Just a note, right back from my lunch break, to confirm that I'm taking this too seriously and I'm utterly crazy.
I found a missed call on my mobile.
From the B&S guy.
I thought it was because of the misunderstanding with tonight's appointment.
Called him back.
He denies calling me (!), which will be the subject of a chat tonight (...).
But, almost ten minutes after calling him, my hands are still shaking...