Long time no see - and bad news

(Our last photo together)

Maybe this will be my last post.
It's been a while since I last posted something, and it's the end of a year, almost, and the end of a cycle, and the end of a chapter of my life.
For the past two weeks and more I have not been sleeping or eating (properly, that is), and tears have been the constant theme of my days. Not one day has gone by without crying, even just a few minutes.
I'm so tired.

Ian has decided for another break up, and this time there is no going back. So much so that he doesn't want to see again, lest we start again, and he has removed me from Facebook, and all that.

I am so hurt and desperate, I cannot sleep.

So I'm going back home, where I hope to heal my wounds in a more comfortable atmosphere than the 5-bedroom house I am living in at the moment, and which I hate to bits. I hate everything in Brighton, right now, much more than I used to. Every stupid thing is a pain; even the beach, which used to be my only likeable place, now is a part of the city I cannot bear to see, just thinking of it makes me think of painful things.
I cannot sleep. I can only cry and pray that the day I leave comes soon.

God, I love him so much. I miss talking to him, and I miss that last hug that he wouldn't allow us to exchange, for he told me of his decision on the phone, not coming to my place the day after, even though we had agreed to meet quickly, so that he could take a box back, and his jumper ("throw away the jumper, I don't need it").

I miss him so much. And it hurts like crazy, I cannot think. I go to class, and concentrate hard on what I am teaching, on a proper board work, on good comprehension questions and all that. And then I give an exercise, and I think I will check my mobile to see if I have any text. But no, he was the only one who texted me in the afternoon, during the week, before our evening call, so sweet and nice.

God, I'm hurting so much I'm afraid it will never end.

So this is probably the last time I will write here. I thought...I don't know. I clearly imagined a happy ending to this story, but I was wrong. Maybe I should focus my imagination on fictional stories, rather than on my life. My life is not worth it.