Alternatives
Great. Simply great.
Ok, I knew there was this possibility, but I tend to ignore bad-looking possibilities when I perceive they are coming towards me.
Not good.
So, it seems that I cannot enrol for that degree, after all: my previous degree has almost nothing to do with this one, so first I should get the qualifications for it, by means of a three-year degree. This is crazy. Particularly as for the money, because I am prepared to pay for three years (2 plus a possible one to catch up with the exams, since it would be a part-time activity), not for six or more.
But I went on the website of another university and saw that tuition fees are a lot less than in the one I was interested in, so if I had to do the three-year degree I could go there and pay less, than enrol to the second one for the specialisation. Or I could just NOT specialise, maybe my three-year course, with all the right exams, would do by itself. Which is an interesting possibility.
See? I have to write these things down, or they are not clear in my mind: up to less than a minute ago, they were blurred, dark and scary, like looking down a cold stone well without my glasses on as the sun goes quickly down. Now...it feels better.
Ok. Internet doesn't work today, which is annoying, especially since I have nothing to do and it is my last day without my boss around, he is back tomorrow afternoon (why doesn't he simply go home? Jet-lag will make him even more irritable and I will end my week in an awful mood). (Luckily, though, he won't stay here long: the Mexicans are coming, and then Shangai is on the list, followed by Malaysia, which means days and days and days of freedom for me...cool).
On the side of good news, I am going to the gym starting from next month: I was there yesterday for a chat and I'll be there at lunch break for another chat, they are (look like) serious prepared nice guys who will help me get a decent workout for my poor shoulders. They make me feel good just talking to them, because they don't really look (and don't want to be) the typical pumped-up instructors who want you to go to muscle-contests...And, which is a very interesting thing, they are CHEAP! Next to nothing for a massage by a professional who would take care of my back once a month or more if I want to: a nice programme of fitness and rehab for the upper body plus a massage every now and then. I really feel like a bit of pampering.
Next on the list of what I wanted to write is what happened a few days ago: another discussion on the website of the band, if I needed more evidence that it wasn't a bargain to have "him" back to the band. Somebody said that he is getting worse and worse, and I don't doubt it, since his behaviour is more and more extreme, and I cannot stand the opening of useless debates and polemical outbursts just for the fun of it. Plus, and he says it's not true but we know better, whenever we decide to do something different from what he wanted (or simply not to do what he wants, for lack of time, people, or whatever) he gets angry and starts talking about plots against him or against changes for good. Boring. And threatening, it makes me feel as if he were standing in front of us, wrapped in dynamite and ready to blow himself and us all up. I have tried to talk about it to one of the guys who are usually in the chat, but I felt it wasn't nice to be clear, I mean saying "hey, don't you think he's nuts and enjoys unchaining debates for the fun of it?". Maybe it is only me, I don't like discussions where the one who begins them does so only because he wants to prove how right and great he is, at any cost. Particularly on the subjects he knows best, of course.
In the end I have decided not to take part in the chat anymore, and after all when my boss is around I couldn't do that, even if he is not I shouldn't do that..., and it rarely is an interesting meeting anyway, always talking about applications for the website, meetings for the website, pictures for the website, messages for the website...boring, after a while.
And especially when, as usual, the thing evolves around a few people and it feels like I have nothing to do with it, whatever I say is not considered and even when it seemed I could contribute by translating, and was even asked to do so, there he arrived and installed BabelFish, then started to translate himself and said that maybe I could look at his work and correct possible mistakes. Oh, thank you very much!
I must confess that I didn't feel like doing that job very much, but it felt a good thing to do to get back to the feeling that I am a drop in the ocean, but a drop with a task and a meaning. Instead, whenever I go to the band, I feel like a face in the crowd, a fool who speaks in a strange language that nobody understands. The idea of quitting is still there, bright in my mind. But I keep telling myself that I like playing, and I have fun there, even though the fun has decreased a lot since I started, and even though playing is feeling more and more like a boring duty rather than something I enjoy and look forward to. I have never felt like staying at home on Friday night, but it's been a while now since I started thinking that hey, who cares, they wouldn't notice anyway.
I'd better stop here for now.
Some hours later, that afternoon...
Well, I've been to that gym, and talked to the "back-and-shoulder -guy". No strange ideas should rise in my mind without my consent, yet I feel them sneaking in...
Ok, I knew there was this possibility, but I tend to ignore bad-looking possibilities when I perceive they are coming towards me.
Not good.
So, it seems that I cannot enrol for that degree, after all: my previous degree has almost nothing to do with this one, so first I should get the qualifications for it, by means of a three-year degree. This is crazy. Particularly as for the money, because I am prepared to pay for three years (2 plus a possible one to catch up with the exams, since it would be a part-time activity), not for six or more.
But I went on the website of another university and saw that tuition fees are a lot less than in the one I was interested in, so if I had to do the three-year degree I could go there and pay less, than enrol to the second one for the specialisation. Or I could just NOT specialise, maybe my three-year course, with all the right exams, would do by itself. Which is an interesting possibility.
See? I have to write these things down, or they are not clear in my mind: up to less than a minute ago, they were blurred, dark and scary, like looking down a cold stone well without my glasses on as the sun goes quickly down. Now...it feels better.
Ok. Internet doesn't work today, which is annoying, especially since I have nothing to do and it is my last day without my boss around, he is back tomorrow afternoon (why doesn't he simply go home? Jet-lag will make him even more irritable and I will end my week in an awful mood). (Luckily, though, he won't stay here long: the Mexicans are coming, and then Shangai is on the list, followed by Malaysia, which means days and days and days of freedom for me...cool).
On the side of good news, I am going to the gym starting from next month: I was there yesterday for a chat and I'll be there at lunch break for another chat, they are (look like) serious prepared nice guys who will help me get a decent workout for my poor shoulders. They make me feel good just talking to them, because they don't really look (and don't want to be) the typical pumped-up instructors who want you to go to muscle-contests...And, which is a very interesting thing, they are CHEAP! Next to nothing for a massage by a professional who would take care of my back once a month or more if I want to: a nice programme of fitness and rehab for the upper body plus a massage every now and then. I really feel like a bit of pampering.
Next on the list of what I wanted to write is what happened a few days ago: another discussion on the website of the band, if I needed more evidence that it wasn't a bargain to have "him" back to the band. Somebody said that he is getting worse and worse, and I don't doubt it, since his behaviour is more and more extreme, and I cannot stand the opening of useless debates and polemical outbursts just for the fun of it. Plus, and he says it's not true but we know better, whenever we decide to do something different from what he wanted (or simply not to do what he wants, for lack of time, people, or whatever) he gets angry and starts talking about plots against him or against changes for good. Boring. And threatening, it makes me feel as if he were standing in front of us, wrapped in dynamite and ready to blow himself and us all up. I have tried to talk about it to one of the guys who are usually in the chat, but I felt it wasn't nice to be clear, I mean saying "hey, don't you think he's nuts and enjoys unchaining debates for the fun of it?". Maybe it is only me, I don't like discussions where the one who begins them does so only because he wants to prove how right and great he is, at any cost. Particularly on the subjects he knows best, of course.
In the end I have decided not to take part in the chat anymore, and after all when my boss is around I couldn't do that, even if he is not I shouldn't do that..., and it rarely is an interesting meeting anyway, always talking about applications for the website, meetings for the website, pictures for the website, messages for the website...boring, after a while.
And especially when, as usual, the thing evolves around a few people and it feels like I have nothing to do with it, whatever I say is not considered and even when it seemed I could contribute by translating, and was even asked to do so, there he arrived and installed BabelFish, then started to translate himself and said that maybe I could look at his work and correct possible mistakes. Oh, thank you very much!
I must confess that I didn't feel like doing that job very much, but it felt a good thing to do to get back to the feeling that I am a drop in the ocean, but a drop with a task and a meaning. Instead, whenever I go to the band, I feel like a face in the crowd, a fool who speaks in a strange language that nobody understands. The idea of quitting is still there, bright in my mind. But I keep telling myself that I like playing, and I have fun there, even though the fun has decreased a lot since I started, and even though playing is feeling more and more like a boring duty rather than something I enjoy and look forward to. I have never felt like staying at home on Friday night, but it's been a while now since I started thinking that hey, who cares, they wouldn't notice anyway.
I'd better stop here for now.
Some hours later, that afternoon...
Well, I've been to that gym, and talked to the "back-and-shoulder -guy". No strange ideas should rise in my mind without my consent, yet I feel them sneaking in...
posted by Peggy @ 4:51 PM
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