Monday and The Return of the Shin Splints
First of all, a "quick" summary of Thursday night...
get to the gym, welcomed (and threatened) by the S&S guy in a superpacked gym, and after getting changed the threat becomes real and I am sent to sweat on every machine of the place.
Now, I have short hair, but that kind of short which is too short to tie and too long to feel comfortable...and it contributes to my whole feeling of "how damn hot is it here???".
The S&S guy is satisfied, "that's exactly what I wanted you to do, sweat like mad", and I just wonder if this is some kind of sadistic side of his personality I'm peering into...
To be honest, apart from the heat, I feel great and I would go on for hours, but after our usual hour and a half I am allowed to go and get changed and refresh.
Back in my daily clothes (today it's jeans and a top of my new favourite colour, red), I am back with him: he holds me and guides me to the reception, standing next to me as we chat instead of going behind the counter and take the calendar. We chat vaguely for some minutes, which I like, about my shopping mission (tomorrow: I need some decent gym kit, like those technical stuff for athletes that help transpiration and look cool...Yes, I am so vain these days...), and about the fact that I will definitely be less dressed from now on since it's so hot. I am jokeing, but not completely: it IS extra hot, and even though I will not feel exactly comfortable with shorts and tops, well, that will have to be my look to avoid being drenched in sweat. Also, the second mission of the weekend is finding a way with my hair...
Enough nonsense.
What happens is, I get home and I'm all happy, feeling great, full of stamina again, ready to run, say, or dance, so I decide that a hot bath and hot milk are the best option for a quiet night. Then, a book, and I am literally falling asleep at 11, when I switch off the light.
I wake up with a pounding heart, conscious of a dream that features me, the BB&S guy and the S&S guy...no, not THAT kind of dream...But since I have a project on how to invite (him) them out, my mind is rehearsing the event. And I wonder, this is a good dream, why have I woken up?
It's only 1.17 and I am fully awake. Cursing.
I go to the kitchen for my milk, and decide there and then that I will bake muffins for tonight, since I am at Kitty's house for dinner: I chop dark chocolate, mix flour and milk, break an egg, and some 40 minutes later my muffins are ready.
So, back to bed where I read two chapters (end of volume I! Yes! Only 700 pages left!) and I am finally asleep after a while...and until 7 o'clock, time for (guess what) my liquorice tea, a banana and the awful cappuccino at the machine in the office...
And still I am confused (and glad my boss isn't here yet...), about the S&S guy, who's nice and kind and friendly and always holds me and talks to me, even when he's busy he comes over for a chat, and it isn't necessarily kindness as part of the job, I can tell. And on the other side, the B&S guy, and how I would like to know more of him, spend some time with him, and how I keep on going back to the first sessions with him, and the stretching and the quietness of time as we breathed in and breathed out together. And his smile, and his eyes, his face entirely, in every expression, when he's concentrated, when he's laughing, when he smiles, when he talks and when he listens, when he thinks, when he sings, like he (we) did yesterday as there was a nice song on the radio. And his voice. And his hands. And his neck, and his hair, with a few grey hair (do you believe it? He's got some grey hair! And I find it so cute on him!) (Boy, did I really say that?).
I wonder if this sleeplessness depends on the chemicals they use in the factory downstairs...yesterday I could smell them a block away...
It's Monday and after a hectic weekend I finally have five minutes to write, even though I'm dreading a call from my boss to go back to our billion things to do...and being the end of the month he's also in an extra bad mood...Nuts.
To conclude about my lack of sleep, I know that my it is only due to this emotional upsetting combined with an increase of my workout, so that my entire body, in and out, is somehow freaking out! A message I received yesterday said "I know you are thinking about him", and all I could say was "Well, how predictable have I become", because yes, like a teenager, I was thinking about the B&S guy, and about the thousand strategies discussed with my friend on Friday at her house while slightly drunk on brandy (a tiny glass was enought to set me on Tipsy Planet...), until almost 3 o'clock, and then again with Cinzia on Saturday night, and with my shop-a-holic friend on Sunday, while looking for cool gym kits (none found...only an expensive dry-fit shirt which I planned to test tonight for my run, if only damned Shin Splints hadn't stricken again! Blame my responsible participation to the commemoration of the 4th November yesterday morning with the band, and the fact that once you get used to walking in trainers, any shoe with a little heel will cause damage, especially when you're marching downhill, even though for only ten metres...damn!).
There are no strategies, really, apart from a couple of ideas and the obvious need to talk to him more than the usual "How are you?" - "All right, thanks"...
So, for the moment, and until my birthday comes, the mission is talk to him, at least a couple of minutes more than I've done so far, reach that confidential level which I've got to with the S&S guy, take advantage of the time, because when I arrive the gym is quite packed, but by the time I leave there are less than ten people, so he would have more time to chat.
I don't know. I think I'm wasting my time. If it were some sort of hobby, some mental movie to build when I go to sleep, some easy-to-put-aside occupation, just to take my mind off daily stuff like my job or the bad situation at home...and instead it's a 24 hours/day obsession, like most things are for me.
Curiously enough, though, I am becoming more eclectic: I used to concentrate on one obsession at a time, now I have two and a half (running, B&S guy, writing).
I wonder if it's a good thing or yet another sign of my increasing madness...
get to the gym, welcomed (and threatened) by the S&S guy in a superpacked gym, and after getting changed the threat becomes real and I am sent to sweat on every machine of the place.
Now, I have short hair, but that kind of short which is too short to tie and too long to feel comfortable...and it contributes to my whole feeling of "how damn hot is it here???".
The S&S guy is satisfied, "that's exactly what I wanted you to do, sweat like mad", and I just wonder if this is some kind of sadistic side of his personality I'm peering into...
To be honest, apart from the heat, I feel great and I would go on for hours, but after our usual hour and a half I am allowed to go and get changed and refresh.
Back in my daily clothes (today it's jeans and a top of my new favourite colour, red), I am back with him: he holds me and guides me to the reception, standing next to me as we chat instead of going behind the counter and take the calendar. We chat vaguely for some minutes, which I like, about my shopping mission (tomorrow: I need some decent gym kit, like those technical stuff for athletes that help transpiration and look cool...Yes, I am so vain these days...), and about the fact that I will definitely be less dressed from now on since it's so hot. I am jokeing, but not completely: it IS extra hot, and even though I will not feel exactly comfortable with shorts and tops, well, that will have to be my look to avoid being drenched in sweat. Also, the second mission of the weekend is finding a way with my hair...
Enough nonsense.
What happens is, I get home and I'm all happy, feeling great, full of stamina again, ready to run, say, or dance, so I decide that a hot bath and hot milk are the best option for a quiet night. Then, a book, and I am literally falling asleep at 11, when I switch off the light.
I wake up with a pounding heart, conscious of a dream that features me, the BB&S guy and the S&S guy...no, not THAT kind of dream...But since I have a project on how to invite (him) them out, my mind is rehearsing the event. And I wonder, this is a good dream, why have I woken up?
It's only 1.17 and I am fully awake. Cursing.
I go to the kitchen for my milk, and decide there and then that I will bake muffins for tonight, since I am at Kitty's house for dinner: I chop dark chocolate, mix flour and milk, break an egg, and some 40 minutes later my muffins are ready.
So, back to bed where I read two chapters (end of volume I! Yes! Only 700 pages left!) and I am finally asleep after a while...and until 7 o'clock, time for (guess what) my liquorice tea, a banana and the awful cappuccino at the machine in the office...
And still I am confused (and glad my boss isn't here yet...), about the S&S guy, who's nice and kind and friendly and always holds me and talks to me, even when he's busy he comes over for a chat, and it isn't necessarily kindness as part of the job, I can tell. And on the other side, the B&S guy, and how I would like to know more of him, spend some time with him, and how I keep on going back to the first sessions with him, and the stretching and the quietness of time as we breathed in and breathed out together. And his smile, and his eyes, his face entirely, in every expression, when he's concentrated, when he's laughing, when he smiles, when he talks and when he listens, when he thinks, when he sings, like he (we) did yesterday as there was a nice song on the radio. And his voice. And his hands. And his neck, and his hair, with a few grey hair (do you believe it? He's got some grey hair! And I find it so cute on him!) (Boy, did I really say that?).
I wonder if this sleeplessness depends on the chemicals they use in the factory downstairs...yesterday I could smell them a block away...
It's Monday and after a hectic weekend I finally have five minutes to write, even though I'm dreading a call from my boss to go back to our billion things to do...and being the end of the month he's also in an extra bad mood...Nuts.
To conclude about my lack of sleep, I know that my it is only due to this emotional upsetting combined with an increase of my workout, so that my entire body, in and out, is somehow freaking out! A message I received yesterday said "I know you are thinking about him", and all I could say was "Well, how predictable have I become", because yes, like a teenager, I was thinking about the B&S guy, and about the thousand strategies discussed with my friend on Friday at her house while slightly drunk on brandy (a tiny glass was enought to set me on Tipsy Planet...), until almost 3 o'clock, and then again with Cinzia on Saturday night, and with my shop-a-holic friend on Sunday, while looking for cool gym kits (none found...only an expensive dry-fit shirt which I planned to test tonight for my run, if only damned Shin Splints hadn't stricken again! Blame my responsible participation to the commemoration of the 4th November yesterday morning with the band, and the fact that once you get used to walking in trainers, any shoe with a little heel will cause damage, especially when you're marching downhill, even though for only ten metres...damn!).
There are no strategies, really, apart from a couple of ideas and the obvious need to talk to him more than the usual "How are you?" - "All right, thanks"...
So, for the moment, and until my birthday comes, the mission is talk to him, at least a couple of minutes more than I've done so far, reach that confidential level which I've got to with the S&S guy, take advantage of the time, because when I arrive the gym is quite packed, but by the time I leave there are less than ten people, so he would have more time to chat.
I don't know. I think I'm wasting my time. If it were some sort of hobby, some mental movie to build when I go to sleep, some easy-to-put-aside occupation, just to take my mind off daily stuff like my job or the bad situation at home...and instead it's a 24 hours/day obsession, like most things are for me.
Curiously enough, though, I am becoming more eclectic: I used to concentrate on one obsession at a time, now I have two and a half (running, B&S guy, writing).
I wonder if it's a good thing or yet another sign of my increasing madness...
posted by Peggy @ 11:32 AM
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