A depressing post - so if you're depressed too, don't read

Today I am very depressed. It's almost six o'clock now, and when I started writing this post it was nine o'clock - but still, I am very depressed today.
Last night I was at the gym.
I should first say that on my sleepless Monday night I texted the B&S guy, joking on how I usually don't sleep much after the gym and this time I anticipated the whole process, instead. Of course I got no reply but kept on looking at my mobile during the day, and when I got two messages I hoped one of them was from him. Deep disappointment, but I expected it.
So last night I was at the gym. I worked out a lot, chatted with the S&S guy, had some fun, felt better. The B&S guy came over to say hello, with a foxy expression of "So what are you texting me these days, girlie?" in his eyes. I joked with the S&S guy about texting the world when I'm sleepless. I tried not to look at the B&S guy too often, and managed it quite well. I loved the way he called me when he said hello, and appreciated a lot when he greeted me goodbye as he left, some time before nine o'clock. I felt like a dog who's happy to receive a pat from its master. Which I guess is not such a dignifying feeling.
I went home and was not my happy-after-the-gym me. I went to my brother's room to watch tv as I was too tired to read. As I was watching, blame it to my tiredness, I started to think - sad thoughts.

I thought that whatever I do, the B&S guy won't ever be interested in me; whatever trendy friend and shop-a-holic friend say, he is NOT the guy for me. Or if he is, he doesn't know, doesn't care, whatever.
I thought that I cannot invite him out for my birthday because he won't come, and all I'll get will be disappointment and a blushing face, and an awful feeling.
I thought that there is no point in hoping, planning, daydreaming, talking and being excited over something that is not going to happen - ever.
I thought that I am going to be lonely and hopeless.
And I cannot decide what's worse, the pointless continuous daydream that leaves that aftertaste of desperation, or the screaming pain of loneliness echoing in front of me.

I went to see library friend today, and she gave me the invitation to her wedding. She asked me about this mysterious B&S guy who keeps me awake at night (well...thinking of him does).
I had not even begun to speak when she interrupted me and said "I can tell this means really something to you, because your eyes are shining now, but I can also tell how bad you're feeling, because your face has suddenly turned sad".
She said I should just ask them (B&S + S&S guy) out anyway, for my birthday, because ok, they could say no, but what if they say yes? And this is exactly what rambler friend said, and my reply had to be exactly the same: "Oh, come on! It's NEVER going to happen!".
Please, everybody: don't make me hope and daydream more that I already do; it will only make things worse.

I'm really, really, really sad today.

And now I'm going home for a run: I'm going to run so that with a little luck I can leave all this melancholy, and sadness, and bad, bad feeling behind.