So now I'm 28

My computer at work is giving me troubles...but this won't stop me!

So, in alphabetical order:

Brother-of-Metal friend
CCB (Crazy Curly Baby)
CCCB (Cousin of Crazy Curly Baby)
(Emigrated) Baby friend
Future-teacher friend
Kitty
Lussy
Rambler friend
Red friend
Rigmor
Shop-a-holic friend
Teacher friend
Trendy friend

Thanks to all of you for texting, e-mailing (yes, Rig, I got your card! I suppose I have to listen to it, but have no headphones at work at the moment...I will try later!), ringing...I really appreciated it.

I celebrated at work yesterday, where coffee break became a coffee-and-brownies break, and then my boss' s wife left a present on my desk so when I was back after lunch break I found this small envelope with a voucher for a free book, which so far, fogive me all, has been the best present! I shouldn't say it, I know...But feeling bitterness coming, I cannot refrain.
And this is why:
my friends at the band have given me this pinkish jumper. Now, unlike Rigmor, I am a bit of a pink girl, although I feel more of a red girl (and my newly-dyed hair prove it). The idea behind the choice of the colour cannot be explained unless you have a certain knowledge of current Italian idiotic commercials, so I will spare you. However, I do like pink.
Shame that the model is totally NOT my style, being high-necked (I am one for V-tops and such). Also, unfortunately the whole idea behind this present is wrong...since it is some sort of pun about me and the B&S guy. And we all know that I am so depressed about this situation that the thought of a present connected to "him" is..well, depressing.
Anyway, thanks, mates! It was very nice of you. I know I am not an easy one for presents...

After work I went to the gym...but I had spent a bad day in the office, what with the overwhelming desperation of the current situation (parents back home and father still a complete asshole, not to mention my limited freedom just when I had started to feel ok with being alone), and the usual New Year's thoughts that have arrived more than a month earlier this year. So I found myself thinking of how old I am and what I have accomplished so far, and what awaits me in the future, and what I can do to change my situation, and what I really want, and so on. I ended up arriving at the gym on the verge of tears and with painful cramps. As a result, I was under-talkative and felt weak, and had to control my breathing a lot more than usual to refrain from crying. I felt stupid, really.
After getting changed I went to the reception to fix the next session and leave the special brownies I had promised I would bring. So I did receive three kisses from S&S guy, who then called the B&S guy so that he could wish me a happy birthday too. He arrived, and between the planning of a session with a guy who was leaving, and the calling to another guy who was finishing his series of reps, and all that, he came over to kiss me (focus on the words "Let me give you a big kiss"), three times as is usual here.
Out of the door and up the stairs to the exit, I felt the tears coming back; I got to the car and decided that I couldn't go home just yet: I had said that I would be back a little later than usual because I was going to stay at the gym and celebrate shortly, so I would have been asked if something had gone wrong if I had come home too early, plus I was on the verge of tears and anything could have unchained them. In fact, after less than five minutes in the car, while waiting at the traffic light I burst into tears, and that, as I say, was the end of me. I cried all the way to my friend's town, and on the way back I cleared, like the sky after a storm, I switched on the radio and put a song I have just discovered on a cd borrowed from rambler friend.

(After lunch break)
I have just finished to cry again. This is worrying me a bit. Because it feels like that sort of depression I had some years ago, on a bleak Welsh January, and I wonder how to get out. Experience has taught me that only time can do something, but this is not my "free" me, who can spend a day at home, or call sick at work. This is my responsible me who goes to work every day and who cannot even cry freely at home because the parents would bother me on what is going on and all that...
Luckily I have discovered that I recover quite quickly, so I suppose that with my daily run and by keeping my mind busy over things I will not have depressing thoughts wandering free in my mind.
It doesn't help my feelings to think of library friend's wedding in 3 days, though..and the fact that I don't know anybody there and that it will basically be all couples looking at my single me. Oh, I hate weddings!

Next on this post is then: THE LIST.
Here we go:
- Boss is away till December, 5th: take advantage of possibility to organise the time and look for alternatives to my current job (life) situation
- This includes considering a master/PhD somewhere
- Get back to writing - after a good start some weeks ago I was too crowded with things to do - again...
- Increase the running

Not many things for this list this time, but if I went into details I would write the longest post in history.
So now, let's turn to action and have a productive afternoon.