Monday, Monday...little to say
It’s funny how I feel so well when I’m around, and then as soon as I hit home I am in deep darkness and spend the evening crying or feeling generally bad, full of regrets, or remorse, or just simple pain.
Last night I sent a couple of cv’s for translating jobs, and I so want to keep my hopes high…Then I found this beautiful offer for a library in a lovely region (where my brother also works), and saw that to apply I need to have a degree (check) and a since mine is the “old” degree, I also need a certificate of course as a librarian of at least 200 hours (crap).
And so I thought about September 2006, when I got all those info on courses, and a second degree in library science, and since that was too long and expensive I found the possibility to follow single courses at university, then thought better of it, because I had three more instalments to pay for the car and the insurance too, and and and. So I didn’t register and didn’t do the course and didn’t get the certificate that I would need so badly now to have a single, small, tiny chance for that beautiful job. What can I say apart from a gigantic DAMN? I’m a failure all over.
I am hyperactive, on the other side: I wake up early, I clean, prepare my lessons, jump around the house with extreme energy, and when I go to the gym after a lesson I work out with such enthusiasm and strength I didn’t think it possible. Like last night, when I worked out so much I couldn’t lift my arms to wash my hair, later in the shower; and after dinner I nearly fell asleep on the couch..and it was only 8 o’clock.
Last night I sent a couple of cv’s for translating jobs, and I so want to keep my hopes high…Then I found this beautiful offer for a library in a lovely region (where my brother also works), and saw that to apply I need to have a degree (check) and a since mine is the “old” degree, I also need a certificate of course as a librarian of at least 200 hours (crap).
And so I thought about September 2006, when I got all those info on courses, and a second degree in library science, and since that was too long and expensive I found the possibility to follow single courses at university, then thought better of it, because I had three more instalments to pay for the car and the insurance too, and and and. So I didn’t register and didn’t do the course and didn’t get the certificate that I would need so badly now to have a single, small, tiny chance for that beautiful job. What can I say apart from a gigantic DAMN? I’m a failure all over.
I am hyperactive, on the other side: I wake up early, I clean, prepare my lessons, jump around the house with extreme energy, and when I go to the gym after a lesson I work out with such enthusiasm and strength I didn’t think it possible. Like last night, when I worked out so much I couldn’t lift my arms to wash my hair, later in the shower; and after dinner I nearly fell asleep on the couch..and it was only 8 o’clock.
Labels: depression
posted by Peggy @ 10:58 AM
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