In a mood again

Just a quick update..

I have decided that it's about time I left. Find something better which is not likely to be found here, in our small valley that never grows and never changes, and when it does, it is always for the worst. There is nothing for me here. Ive just got to leave.
Telling my mum was a very emotional moment because I realised how terrible this choice is. I feel I have more chances if I leave, and yet leaving her here makes me feel so bad.
It didn't help that she came home all happy with an offer she was going to accept for Sky. You know: movies and the like, and evenings together and me all happy to watch my favourite movies and studying.

I have called in sick at work today and have just sent about 10 cv's between yesterday and today. I feel terrible and I would like to have an option, say a decent job that doesn't make me cry and fill me with anxiety all day, but lets me here where my mum is. Who is the only person worth living for,and she is giving and has given so much to us and I don't want to leave her here like this.
I must think about things now. It is so bloody difficult.

I'll go do some chores now, take my mind off clogging desperation and onto serious plans that could make things better for all.
Sounds kinda impossible, I'm afraid.
Damn, what have I done to deserve this.