Believe or not, I'm back
First of all: LOUSY BLOGGER!!!!
It’s taken ages to set up an Internet connection from my laptop, more than a century to download the page and after about 5 minutes I am on the right page for a new post...Damn, this is going to be so difficult and annoying...
Anyway, on with a recap of the past days..Good luck!
Monday 5th
Update: in spite of the list of things to do, carefully written to organise my spare time properly and not succumb to the temptation of 25 fantastic dvd’s of Starsky & Hutch, I am spending my days and evenings watching…Starsky & Hutch. A beautiful book is by my bed, still at page 100-something, and more are piled on my table, and even more are on my wish list, not to mention the fact that when I think about cinema or fiction my first instinct is the scholar’s move to the nearest book of criticism on the subject, or alternatively, Google and Wikipedia. But still, those four shiny box sets on my desk…and the possibility to enjoy them whenever I want, and in the original language, tasting every little shape of the language, every pun, every accent and expression, and I haven’t talked of their cute faces…
You see the point: I’m addicted again.
This whole “Starsky & Hutch” thing began back in high school, when I watched a couple of episodes by utter chance (see: no choice between tv and Maths books); the guys got me hooked straight away.
Now, every time they are on tv, no matter when, I am in the very first row and watching in devoted silence. Maybe drooling a little.
They were back on tv a couple of months ago, at 1 pm, too cool, so my after-lunch pre-work time was all coffee and my guys. But, as there always is a “but”, I could never see any end of the episode, because I have to leave some five minutes (you hear me, five lousy minutes before the end! And usually those five minutes would pull all the strings to a great end!). So here’s the cool idea: buy the dvd’s!
(Note that two days after I took this important decision, a weekly magazine we have subscribed to started to sell the whole collection at 2 dvd’s per week, at a ridiculous high cost on the grounds that each dvd had special stuff like interviews or trailers. So clever me investigates and finds out that – obviously – buying the whole set off the Internet is a lot cheaper and a lot more satisfactory – and quicker – too. Cheering and applauding to clever me follows).
Well, first I buy two seasons, in chronological order. Then, while randomly looking for movies on offer and such, I step onto the last two seasons, with no intention to buy them before April at least, mind you! But they were at a discounted price, people! 30% off! And I had already put a couple of movies in my basket, ready for the check-out…I couldn’t leave them there alone…I’m sure you understand…
So, here I am now, a week and twelve episodes later, with a total addiction to the guys, and the physical need to rush home and put on a dvd, carefully selecting the episode I want to see. I’ve even thought I’d watch some while on the treadmill but luckily when I run I am very concentrated, and I can only listen to music, because if I have to understand and follow a story I must slow down (which has also ruined my plans of getting some audio-books to catch up on the little time for reading I have). So at least it’s not “bread and S&H” all day, or it would be trouble. But still, last night I said I would watch only one episode and then read, instead I watched three! (ok, ok…almost three…I was falling asleep when there were some 15 minutes to the end of the third, so I switched everything off and sank in my post-gym coma).
I’m not that bad, though: on Monday I did what I had to, that is I uploaded a lot of files from my ex computer to the laptop, and happily tidied all that lot. Then, and only then, did I watch one episode before going to bed. (then again, yesterday at lunch time I watched another one…after cleaning the kitchen and being the good housemaid I am, so you see, first duty then pleasure, right?).
Anyway, the point is: I’ve got to stop this. Where’s my willpower when I really need it?
Uhm, I guess it probably got lost into those beautiful blue eyes and rolled American “r”…(dammit!)
Wednesday, 7th
More update on the job side: I have an interview tonight. Well, it’s not exactly an interview, but one of those idiotic meetings set up by job agencies to look at your cv (printed from their own files, since you are registered with them) and ask you questions like “so now you’re working, hu?”; and “ok, since you have a degree in languages you can speak English, right?”; and again “since you have a degree in languages you want to be a teacher, eventually, correct?”.
Now, this last question: what is wrong with us graduates in modern languages? Do we all want to become teachers just because we have spent four or five years of our life hunched over books of literature and criticism? Just because we have spent a semester or two pondering over the magic of linguistics and philology? Can’t you people think that my brain is not exactly set on the scientific mode, and that if it was I would have studied biology or engineering or economics and by now I would be doing something more appropriate for my degree, and possibly something that I also like? ...
But no, I’ve studied languages therefore I must want to be a teacher…
Nevermind. Tonight’s interview is just to see what this job is about, and maybe they will want to fix me an appointment with the firm; but I’ll have to point out a couple of things which will make sure that I am not the person they are looking for: first, I don’t want to be hired for three, six, or even one month by intercession of the agency, at a ridiculous pay and without benefits or possibility to have days off, even when I’m sick (an excerpt from my autobiography: when I was working at the library, and unfortunately this happened right at the end of my first week, I was ill for the first time in years; so bad in fact, that I had to be taken to the hospital. Obviously I was recommended to stay at home for a couple of days; so I called work on Monday morning and said I was ill and would be back the day after. Then I called the job agency and said I was ill. The reaction was as follows – and please try to imagine the most annoying ducky voice – “oh, are you….- long, long pause here -…well, if you really must, then stay at home, but bring a certificate from the doctor as soon as possible, ok?”); second, the pay should be exactly as the one I’m getting here. And this is not going to happen, because here I’m extra well paid (sometimes I understand they pay me too much; because come on, this is the third day I’ve spent doing absolutely nothing, and what I do is not necessary, because a part-time secretary with little knowledge of English could do it, not a full-time graduate in English! Also, what I do is not necessary because nobody ever reads my confirmations of the orders, starting from my boss himself).
Anyway. This is all to say that no, I am not going to the interview thinking that my life will suddenly improve. Actually, I am almost thinking that I could stand them up, and go home and have my run, but come on, it wouldn’t be kind, especially since it was I who sent the application…At least I’m going there at 6.15, and they close at 6.30, so it won’t be long.
Monday, 12th
The week hasn’t really started too well: nobody reads what I write and we always have troubles in the accounting office because of this; I have been awake since 5.30, and whereas this is good because I could watch more S&H (ok, I’m addicted, so what. Lately it’s the only satisfaction I get from life) (still, on Sunday I watched 5 episodes!!! Sunday is a long day, and I could go for a walk, tidy my room and clean the kitchen properly, run my usual 90 minutes and shower, and there was still time for me, my bed and my dvd’s…), it is not good because beginning the week with an earlier awakening and an angry boss is not exactly the best start.
Good news: boss is leaving on Tuesday night.
More good news: one of our agents has brought some delicious cookies his wife makes, called desert roses, and they are superb! A nice coffee break.
Every Monday is the beginning of a search for another job, be it in England or anywhere else. I don’t know if I just want to change job as in change what I do, or as in change where I do it. Then again, I don’t like what I do. Case closed. The search continues.
I’m taking Friday off, and seriously, I can’t wait. I have to go and make some more blood analysis (again) to see if I’m still anaemic or if I can donate, and then the whole day is going to be for me: I plan to run, shop for birthday presents, enjoy the day and the sun. No computer. Except for playing dvd’s…
What more…talks of the-house-that-will-be continue. Latest news are that all the relevant documents will be deposited at the council’s office after father signs some act that divides the house in 6 parts, so that we both get a piece. After that, and after the council accepts the documents (that is, doesn’t say no within a month), we can start; I guess it’s going to be in May, really. I have my own copy of the project for my apartment and I am thinking of how the kitchen can be arranged, since it will be the only thing I will buy (rest of the furniture will be my current stuff).
But the house excitement has cooled off, I must say: too many things have happened during these months, and my increasing dissatisfaction with my life has not made things any clearer or easier.
I still want to leave. I still don’t know what to do. (U2 would sing “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”).
I wish I could take some sort of sabbatical year and leave everything behind, clear my mind. Then, what I was saying with mum, I plan to stay here and work for about another 5 years, maybe less, unless I get to find a better alternative in the meantime, and in five years’ time I will have paid off the house (hopefully) and will be virtually free from responsibilities. It’s just that I don’t want to leave all the heavy paying on mum’s tired shoulders, and I think I can “sacrifice” for a few more years. I will still be young when I quit this awful place in four or five years. Younger than Christ, so they say.
Anyway.
All this writing is, again, only useful to calm me down. This, and the gym tonight. The weather outside is beautiful, and it’s almost time for those relaxing after-dinner walks, for the bike rides in the weekend, for ice-cream. Lovely. And smooth.
Next on my list, on this afternoon without my boss (only for the next..uh, 20 minutes, I’m afraid) is a brainstorm on a new story I have been thinking of for quite a while.
And I promise, I promise, I promise not to watch more than two episodes a day of my beloved. Really. Seriously. Truly.
….Well…at least I’ll try (and those dvd will end some day, right?).
Wednesday, 14th
Two days later, now writing on a quiet hot Wednesday afternoon, I have updates on the house-that-will-be. Or not.
One more reason for not going back to talking to my father: he’s a bastard. Now he says he’s not happy about signing that paper which would divide the house accordingly. Oh really? So, mum and I should keep up with a second job, put a hell of a lot of money for the next 5 to 7 years, contribute straight away with some hundred thousand euros which my mum has been saving for the past two years, while he is not going to work even single hour more per day (when he only works what, 5 hours a day?) and actually says that he may decide not to contribute to the weekly shopping…and after all this he does not want to share??? God, I must be dreaming this.
It makes me so angry. So incredibly, completely, helplessly angry.
So we don’t know if anything will be done after all; and this, in a way, opens a lot of doors for me. Or just a big one. The big door to freedom.
A door to going on with this job only for a few months and then quit, move, go somewhere else and start again. Sort of.
I have been writing covering letters and sending applications most of the afternoon, only to find myself with three urgent translations to complete and send to my angry boss. I’ve been dreaming all day, and since yesterday, of a better place, a better life. I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking, and having sore eyes from uninterrupted internet looking for job opportunities everywhere. I am not even scared about going really far, because I see that there is nothing here for me anymore, safe for my mum.
I don’t know how this whole house-thing will go on. Honestly I don’t care. I am going to send more applications, look for more jobs, continue the quest! Something will happen, right? Soon or late? I am not just standing here being carried away by the flow, I am actually taking action, and this is supposed to lead me somewhere. Hopefully.
But I am talking nonsense now, and it’s almost time to go home and run. And relax with milk and fruit and my S&H.
More will follow, as usual. Depending on the internet connection at home, that is...
It’s taken ages to set up an Internet connection from my laptop, more than a century to download the page and after about 5 minutes I am on the right page for a new post...Damn, this is going to be so difficult and annoying...
Anyway, on with a recap of the past days..Good luck!
Monday 5th
Update: in spite of the list of things to do, carefully written to organise my spare time properly and not succumb to the temptation of 25 fantastic dvd’s of Starsky & Hutch, I am spending my days and evenings watching…Starsky & Hutch. A beautiful book is by my bed, still at page 100-something, and more are piled on my table, and even more are on my wish list, not to mention the fact that when I think about cinema or fiction my first instinct is the scholar’s move to the nearest book of criticism on the subject, or alternatively, Google and Wikipedia. But still, those four shiny box sets on my desk…and the possibility to enjoy them whenever I want, and in the original language, tasting every little shape of the language, every pun, every accent and expression, and I haven’t talked of their cute faces…
You see the point: I’m addicted again.
This whole “Starsky & Hutch” thing began back in high school, when I watched a couple of episodes by utter chance (see: no choice between tv and Maths books); the guys got me hooked straight away.
Now, every time they are on tv, no matter when, I am in the very first row and watching in devoted silence. Maybe drooling a little.
They were back on tv a couple of months ago, at 1 pm, too cool, so my after-lunch pre-work time was all coffee and my guys. But, as there always is a “but”, I could never see any end of the episode, because I have to leave some five minutes (you hear me, five lousy minutes before the end! And usually those five minutes would pull all the strings to a great end!). So here’s the cool idea: buy the dvd’s!
(Note that two days after I took this important decision, a weekly magazine we have subscribed to started to sell the whole collection at 2 dvd’s per week, at a ridiculous high cost on the grounds that each dvd had special stuff like interviews or trailers. So clever me investigates and finds out that – obviously – buying the whole set off the Internet is a lot cheaper and a lot more satisfactory – and quicker – too. Cheering and applauding to clever me follows).
Well, first I buy two seasons, in chronological order. Then, while randomly looking for movies on offer and such, I step onto the last two seasons, with no intention to buy them before April at least, mind you! But they were at a discounted price, people! 30% off! And I had already put a couple of movies in my basket, ready for the check-out…I couldn’t leave them there alone…I’m sure you understand…
So, here I am now, a week and twelve episodes later, with a total addiction to the guys, and the physical need to rush home and put on a dvd, carefully selecting the episode I want to see. I’ve even thought I’d watch some while on the treadmill but luckily when I run I am very concentrated, and I can only listen to music, because if I have to understand and follow a story I must slow down (which has also ruined my plans of getting some audio-books to catch up on the little time for reading I have). So at least it’s not “bread and S&H” all day, or it would be trouble. But still, last night I said I would watch only one episode and then read, instead I watched three! (ok, ok…almost three…I was falling asleep when there were some 15 minutes to the end of the third, so I switched everything off and sank in my post-gym coma).
I’m not that bad, though: on Monday I did what I had to, that is I uploaded a lot of files from my ex computer to the laptop, and happily tidied all that lot. Then, and only then, did I watch one episode before going to bed. (then again, yesterday at lunch time I watched another one…after cleaning the kitchen and being the good housemaid I am, so you see, first duty then pleasure, right?).
Anyway, the point is: I’ve got to stop this. Where’s my willpower when I really need it?
Uhm, I guess it probably got lost into those beautiful blue eyes and rolled American “r”…(dammit!)
Wednesday, 7th
More update on the job side: I have an interview tonight. Well, it’s not exactly an interview, but one of those idiotic meetings set up by job agencies to look at your cv (printed from their own files, since you are registered with them) and ask you questions like “so now you’re working, hu?”; and “ok, since you have a degree in languages you can speak English, right?”; and again “since you have a degree in languages you want to be a teacher, eventually, correct?”.
Now, this last question: what is wrong with us graduates in modern languages? Do we all want to become teachers just because we have spent four or five years of our life hunched over books of literature and criticism? Just because we have spent a semester or two pondering over the magic of linguistics and philology? Can’t you people think that my brain is not exactly set on the scientific mode, and that if it was I would have studied biology or engineering or economics and by now I would be doing something more appropriate for my degree, and possibly something that I also like? ...
But no, I’ve studied languages therefore I must want to be a teacher…
Nevermind. Tonight’s interview is just to see what this job is about, and maybe they will want to fix me an appointment with the firm; but I’ll have to point out a couple of things which will make sure that I am not the person they are looking for: first, I don’t want to be hired for three, six, or even one month by intercession of the agency, at a ridiculous pay and without benefits or possibility to have days off, even when I’m sick (an excerpt from my autobiography: when I was working at the library, and unfortunately this happened right at the end of my first week, I was ill for the first time in years; so bad in fact, that I had to be taken to the hospital. Obviously I was recommended to stay at home for a couple of days; so I called work on Monday morning and said I was ill and would be back the day after. Then I called the job agency and said I was ill. The reaction was as follows – and please try to imagine the most annoying ducky voice – “oh, are you….- long, long pause here -…well, if you really must, then stay at home, but bring a certificate from the doctor as soon as possible, ok?”); second, the pay should be exactly as the one I’m getting here. And this is not going to happen, because here I’m extra well paid (sometimes I understand they pay me too much; because come on, this is the third day I’ve spent doing absolutely nothing, and what I do is not necessary, because a part-time secretary with little knowledge of English could do it, not a full-time graduate in English! Also, what I do is not necessary because nobody ever reads my confirmations of the orders, starting from my boss himself).
Anyway. This is all to say that no, I am not going to the interview thinking that my life will suddenly improve. Actually, I am almost thinking that I could stand them up, and go home and have my run, but come on, it wouldn’t be kind, especially since it was I who sent the application…At least I’m going there at 6.15, and they close at 6.30, so it won’t be long.
Monday, 12th
The week hasn’t really started too well: nobody reads what I write and we always have troubles in the accounting office because of this; I have been awake since 5.30, and whereas this is good because I could watch more S&H (ok, I’m addicted, so what. Lately it’s the only satisfaction I get from life) (still, on Sunday I watched 5 episodes!!! Sunday is a long day, and I could go for a walk, tidy my room and clean the kitchen properly, run my usual 90 minutes and shower, and there was still time for me, my bed and my dvd’s…), it is not good because beginning the week with an earlier awakening and an angry boss is not exactly the best start.
Good news: boss is leaving on Tuesday night.
More good news: one of our agents has brought some delicious cookies his wife makes, called desert roses, and they are superb! A nice coffee break.
Every Monday is the beginning of a search for another job, be it in England or anywhere else. I don’t know if I just want to change job as in change what I do, or as in change where I do it. Then again, I don’t like what I do. Case closed. The search continues.
I’m taking Friday off, and seriously, I can’t wait. I have to go and make some more blood analysis (again) to see if I’m still anaemic or if I can donate, and then the whole day is going to be for me: I plan to run, shop for birthday presents, enjoy the day and the sun. No computer. Except for playing dvd’s…
What more…talks of the-house-that-will-be continue. Latest news are that all the relevant documents will be deposited at the council’s office after father signs some act that divides the house in 6 parts, so that we both get a piece. After that, and after the council accepts the documents (that is, doesn’t say no within a month), we can start; I guess it’s going to be in May, really. I have my own copy of the project for my apartment and I am thinking of how the kitchen can be arranged, since it will be the only thing I will buy (rest of the furniture will be my current stuff).
But the house excitement has cooled off, I must say: too many things have happened during these months, and my increasing dissatisfaction with my life has not made things any clearer or easier.
I still want to leave. I still don’t know what to do. (U2 would sing “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”).
I wish I could take some sort of sabbatical year and leave everything behind, clear my mind. Then, what I was saying with mum, I plan to stay here and work for about another 5 years, maybe less, unless I get to find a better alternative in the meantime, and in five years’ time I will have paid off the house (hopefully) and will be virtually free from responsibilities. It’s just that I don’t want to leave all the heavy paying on mum’s tired shoulders, and I think I can “sacrifice” for a few more years. I will still be young when I quit this awful place in four or five years. Younger than Christ, so they say.
Anyway.
All this writing is, again, only useful to calm me down. This, and the gym tonight. The weather outside is beautiful, and it’s almost time for those relaxing after-dinner walks, for the bike rides in the weekend, for ice-cream. Lovely. And smooth.
Next on my list, on this afternoon without my boss (only for the next..uh, 20 minutes, I’m afraid) is a brainstorm on a new story I have been thinking of for quite a while.
And I promise, I promise, I promise not to watch more than two episodes a day of my beloved. Really. Seriously. Truly.
….Well…at least I’ll try (and those dvd will end some day, right?).
Wednesday, 14th
Two days later, now writing on a quiet hot Wednesday afternoon, I have updates on the house-that-will-be. Or not.
One more reason for not going back to talking to my father: he’s a bastard. Now he says he’s not happy about signing that paper which would divide the house accordingly. Oh really? So, mum and I should keep up with a second job, put a hell of a lot of money for the next 5 to 7 years, contribute straight away with some hundred thousand euros which my mum has been saving for the past two years, while he is not going to work even single hour more per day (when he only works what, 5 hours a day?) and actually says that he may decide not to contribute to the weekly shopping…and after all this he does not want to share??? God, I must be dreaming this.
It makes me so angry. So incredibly, completely, helplessly angry.
So we don’t know if anything will be done after all; and this, in a way, opens a lot of doors for me. Or just a big one. The big door to freedom.
A door to going on with this job only for a few months and then quit, move, go somewhere else and start again. Sort of.
I have been writing covering letters and sending applications most of the afternoon, only to find myself with three urgent translations to complete and send to my angry boss. I’ve been dreaming all day, and since yesterday, of a better place, a better life. I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking, and having sore eyes from uninterrupted internet looking for job opportunities everywhere. I am not even scared about going really far, because I see that there is nothing here for me anymore, safe for my mum.
I don’t know how this whole house-thing will go on. Honestly I don’t care. I am going to send more applications, look for more jobs, continue the quest! Something will happen, right? Soon or late? I am not just standing here being carried away by the flow, I am actually taking action, and this is supposed to lead me somewhere. Hopefully.
But I am talking nonsense now, and it’s almost time to go home and run. And relax with milk and fruit and my S&H.
More will follow, as usual. Depending on the internet connection at home, that is...
posted by Peggy @ 9:59 PM
1 Comments:
At 11:27 PM,
Rigmor said…
But how did the interview go?!
Staying positive when out there job searching is, I think, important but hard. Although I do recognise that if you are in a job that makes you feel lousy then it becomes incredibly hard to sell it and yourself when being interviewed!
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