Positive thinking and deep breath

What can I say…it’s Thursday and can’t wait to go…and begin my anticipated weekend…yes, because I’ve taken Friday off, and I don’t care!
Tonight I’m out for dinner with my friends from university and the bookshop, the happy part of my life, where my only worry was that I was paid next to nothing, and all my money would go into the rent. But I was happy, really, I liked working surrounded by books, chatting to people, giving information, finding information. It must have been because we were friends, there, and there was no jealousy or envy; after all, who would fight over 5 euro per hour?
Anyway, since I’ll be there all evening, and plan to be home pretty late (by the time we have finished there and I have driven Kitty home and am home myself it will be almost four a.m., I think…), I have decided that tomorrow I’m off duty. After all, ex pregnant girl is back, and will be more than happy to have everything in her hands.
I am not in a good mood at all, and it’s easy to understand. Ex pregnant girl (from now on: EPG) is always here and she makes me feel stupid. For example: I have prepared a draft of price list to send; I have included a detail, because I have seen my boss including it, and my mind has followed this path: if I don’t include it he will ask me about it, I will blabber something for excuse and will be shouted at; if I include it he will not say anything or will ask me why I have included it, and I will get shouted at, so in any case I lose. But she won’t understand, and will just remark that no, this is wrong.
This is so difficult.
I have already sent about seven applications for jobs, and I am seriously praying for a bit of luck. The way things are going now, I can only see day after day after day of tormented hours in the office and my little me locked in the bathroom to cry, which is something I would like to avoid, thank you very much.
My mind is running towards different options:
- Option number one sees me being strong and waiting until next January, when I hope that Epg will get pregnant again as per her personal plan, so I will be happily spared from a life in hell, and will continue working and saving money. If she doesn’t, I will ask for a change in my contract and continue working part-time, dedicating my afternoon to studying and possibly giving lessons like I used to do. In the meantime, works at home should begin in April, which means…uh…first floor ready within November, my floor ready within…oh, next February. Which also means more money saved by then. Then, when she is back, maybe she will be part-time, or maybe I will have found something better to do, or…time will see what happens!
- Option number two, and a couple of hours ago I was ready to act, would have seen me ask for part-time starting from April, so I would be kind enough to let the Epg finish her special working time of the moment (6 hours a day) and I would then take my time and use my afternoons with something more productive.

However, after talking to my boss (and holding back the tears, because whenever somebody asks how I am I cannot refrain), I have decided that option number one will do. As I said, I (will) need money for tuition fees, books, and..furniture! A few things will help improve the situation, like my new laptop (tomorrow! It! Will! Be! Mine!), the possibility to write whenever I want, the weekend in London and Stratford I have planned, the thought of all the nice books I will study and read in the next months, and..well, you see what I mean: positive thinking, positive thinking and deep breaths!