Easter weekend, thoughts, iron deficiency

I’m not really in a writing mood these days, in spite of dreaming (I mean, dreaming at night) of pages and pages being typed on my laptop. Probably when I wake up all this night-writing has exhausted me and I don’t feel like doing some more in reality?
I’m just back to work after an Easter weekend made of long, long, long walks, chats, and relax: I watched King Kong and Shrek 2 (three times!), read a lot, enjoyed the sunshine, went to an island in the middle of the lake (packed with people, the island was! Like the whole valley decided to spend the day there, and can you blame them?), slept slept slept.
I woke up in the middle of the night (bleeding 2.20 a.m.!!! Insomnia at its worst!) with a blinding headache last night, and the consequences are the usual: I’m now tired, would rather spend the day in my bed, cannot think that it’s only the beginning of the week and that tonight I have two whole hours of training (and since I haven’t kept up with my running routine for the past week, I also have to catch up with it..brilliant).
I am also in a thoughtful mood because of my latest decisions and what has come with them: people congratulating on my choice, seeing as I was not happy at all here and knowing that leaving is definitely for the best of me; people asking what am I leaving for, and me replying that I have absolutely no idea but at least I will feel better there (I guess?); people asking when I am going to leave, and me procrastinating, saying that maybe it will be September, but if I can resist and get to save a little more money then it will be January or February 2008. So I can have some money to give the parents for the house, have a little more for myself to settle down in the beginning, and maybe even a better focus on what to do. Also, the hope remains that I can find a way out someway else, like going for the part-time job and study by myself, like finding a job for evening classes which would make me happier (always liked teaching adults), like finding a millionaire and marry him and have a lot of children (yeah, right!).
So I told mum to accept that offer from Sky and buy us a year of movies. My books are on the way and I expect to have a busy spring and summer studying and generally being busy (mentally) on my favourite subjects. On the other hand I don’t expect to be offered any of the jobs I have applied for. So I’ll give myself some more nasty time in this office and save money.
News on the house that will be, the final amount of money that should go in the original project is a hell of a lot, so the parents have decided to change plans and just make some works, to fix what’s wrong in the original two-floor house (new windows, new kitchen, plumbing and electrical system, and the outside stuff, garden and patio and all); plus, the third floor will eventually become a real apartment, and it should be mine. So it seems, but these are things to be settled too. I don’t know. I keep on saying that whatever they do is fine for me, because I keep on thinking that I will leave this place, soon or late, so brother can have the attic floor if he wants. Then I look at me and think “where do you think you’re going, useless old girl?”, and I sink and wait for the evening or the weekend to feel better.
News on the mental side: I am soon seeing a specialist for this little problem of mine (the depression, that is. I know you were all thinking of schizophrenia!). More to come on the subject.
What else?
Well, I guess I should conclude on a bright side: it’s payday this week! Technically the payslip should arrive today, but it’s never on time, so we trust it will be delivered by Thursday. Anyway. What matters is that the money arrives, right?
And I am still thinking about summer vacations and what to do, since my travelling streak is still low. Lazy girl.

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A decent sleep last night, after a good work out with lots of stretching for my poor shoulder, and an hour of reading. It is now officially announced that I am over with the S&H addition!
However, the evening was not very enjoyable after all, because I came back from the gym and found mum on the sofa playing sudoku and saying that she was not happy because of the following reasons:

- I had promised I would see a dietician and take care of my iron deficiency and I haven’t yet (and a year has passed, and the blood donors’ association has crossed my name out of the list – see later for the details);
- I am worrying her for my depressive mood and generally unsatisfied/autistic attitude (like the need to run no matter what, like choosing to stay at home instead of seeing some friend, like having these little obsessions about movies and stuff)
- The works for the house are too expensive, as said before, and now father says that it may not be convenient to have the attic floor because who knows when we get all the permits to use it as a house (long story, will spare you from that), so now the confusion is higher over what to do, how to do it, who’s to blame for all (architect friend angry because he’s been working on the project for three months and now we have to use only a bit of it, brother – and parents – generally angry because architect friend should have told us the estimated prize of all and instead he kept some 100.000 euro under the actual prize, mum disappointed because she doesn’t want anybody angry or sad and wishes she had never decided to do any work at all on the bloody house.

As a result of the latter, she spent some half hour talking to father about the cost of this and the cost of that, until brother called asking for something regarding the taxes (which also reminded me that it’s tax month and I haven’t prepared my declaration yet…brilliant), in a hurry as usual because apparently tomorrow is the deadline for the presentation of the documents or something like that.
What a nice evening.

In the end I drank my coffee and read for a couple of hours, then sank into sleep only to wake up half confused (I was dreaming of the gigantic spider I had to kill the night before in parents’ bedroom) and with the familiar tinge of desperation at the thought of seeing Epg today (yesterday she spared me from her presence).
So I keep on thinking: to leave or not to leave? Should I hope to be called for some of the jobs I have applied last week? Or should I get the subscription for Sky Cinema and be merry with my movies, my books and my mum (I sound like a child, folks, but sad as it is, I have a lot of very good friends whom I love to death, but I couldn’t live without my mum)
And I keep on thinking that a list would do good, only when I start it all I come down with is:

Pros (of being here):
My mum and the general comfort of living with her
The band (although not all the time)

Cons:
My job and all that comes with it
The generally bad situation at home with this continuous confusion about the works, together with the undeletable feeling that nothing is ever going to be sorted out, not in a million times
No possibility to change, improve, have some satisfaction anywhere

There isn’t much to say about this, is there?

Newsflash: in two weeks it is bank holiday here, and it happens to be on Wednesday. This is cool enough: a day off in the middle of the week; bless. More over, the Epg is talking about asking for Thursday and Friday off, which is even better news. Then we would be back on Monday 30th, and have another bank holiday (May 1st); still supacool, two days off in two weeks. I love these months. And to top this off, Epg is thinking about taking the whole week off, from Wednesday 25th to Wednesday 2nd. How cool is that: I can breath for a whole week.

And now, for something completely different:
How the blood donors’ association told me to xxxx off.

Prologue: my blood type is quite rare. Or so they say anyway (I’m AB negative, typical of eastern Europe, I am told. Have my parents got something to tell me…).
I think: ok, it seems like a good idea to become a blood donor, especially since my type is so uncommon. So off to the association I go. And register with them. And go for the first analysis.
Now, I am a healthy person, I eat well, do a lot of sport, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t take drugs, have no tattoos and my ears were pierced more than 10 years ago. Nothing can go wrong.
Results come back to me a week later: iron deficiency, cannot donate blood, am recommended a visit to my gp and some iron intake. I talk to my doctor and decide against any supplements because I can’t be bothered.
Three months later I am back to the lab, and a week later guess what: I am suspended again, and recommended etc etc…Ok, off to the doctor I go and then straight to the supplements’ shelf.
Three months (and lots of supplements) later I am back to the lab.
A week later I am called for the donation: I skip work and happily go to the lab and you know what? I can only donate plasma! Which means a terrifying procedure of: sucking my blood out, separating blood from plasma, injecting my blood in. Terrific morning! A happy couple of hours and nothing to read! And bad music from the radio in the lab! And lots of people looking suspiciously at me (why???)! At the end of it all, more blood is demanded for a general test to see that everything is fine.
And…..
A week later I am suspended again!!!
Ok, no more implements from now, who cares, I think.
But.
Three months later they call me again, and I tell them that I’d rather not have them spend money over tests where the obvious result would be my lack of iron and my suspension. They say “no problem, come over, it’s ok”, and so I go.
Two days later I receive a phone call from one of the doctors:

- Hello, this is doc from the lab!
(me, in my mind: “Great. I am probably going to die or they found some weird disease”)
- So, the results have come back today, and I hope you won’t take this too bad, but the iron is still at 3.
(me, in my mind: “Great! Last time it was down at 2! I’ve improved!” – Note from the author: minimum value for an adult: 5)
- So, what I wanted to say is, we have thought that it would be better to stop bothering you with requests of tests, because you know, even if your values improved…by the way, are you very thin?
(me, in my mind: “Yeah, right! I wish!”) – Uhm, no, not really.
- I see. Do you do a lot of sport?
- Actually yes, I run 5 miles almost every day, I go to the gym, and all that jazz. And no, I don’t eat meat very often: you know, the Mediterranean diet? Lots of cereals, vegetables, fruit, some fish…granted to live for 237 years?
- Oh, yes, I see. Well, you see, you should really change your habits if you wanted to get that iron back. Or you should live on supplements. And in any case, if you ever got the correct value of iron, what do you think we would do, we would let you keep it! For your own good!
(me, in my mind: “Right…so I should eat red meat four times a day and stop exercising, hu? And how about getting to drink a bottle of red wine on a daily basis, for the sake of my iron intake and absorption?”) - Uh-hu, I understand.
- So, you see, I’m sorry, but what can we do, just don’t take it too bad, ok, it’s for you that we are doing this, so, you know, I mean we want you to keep your iron and feel well!
- Yeah, ok, I understand. Don’t worry, I expected it, it’s fine. Thank you.
- Oh, ok, then! Bye!

Thus ends my story (and my contribution) to the magical world of blood donors.