Going really bad
Well, well…Oh, boy, can we be let alone for more than a minute? … Nothing’s worse than a nervous boss who is leaving for another business trip in two days and wants to have everything settled before that time. And by “everything” I mean “every single email we have received from January 2000 to today, more or less”.
To make things worse, the Epg is still making me feel like a student who has been caught on a test without studying. Actually, worse than that: she makes me feel as if she had told me to study chapter 3 and then she asks me about chapter 12. And there is nothing I can do about it! I can only feel weak, and small, and helpless, and hopeless, and the more I try, the more mistakes I make. I’ve said this before.
It doesn’t help that we have no defined tasks, so I begin to do something and then I find out that she is working on it too, and with more information than me. And more confidence. Because she’s been doing it for 12 years, as she never forgets to remind us (two or three times a day too, in case we were not paying attention the first time).
When these things happen (like she finds a mistake I had not seen, although most of the times it is a small detail, like a date or a missing letter) my only reaction is to shut whatever I was working on, double-click on the Internet icon and wander about any page I can think of. Or write here. Or lock myself in the bathroom and cry when I am really feeling bad. Occasionally my second impulse (after dropping whatever activity I was onto) is to go get a hot chocolate from the machine; then I think better of it. Most of the times I look out of the window and think I could just quit, find another occupation, but what? So I am back to thinking that I should leave. And what for, I ask myself? It would be just my luck to find a job with another set of colleagues like these. And I am getting old. And my cv is not very good after all, so nobody would pick me.
I wanted to start writing the new chapter of the Bookclub (because I am finally back to serious reading with a wonderful book, which I plan to finish over the weekend because I’m busy tonight and tomorrow), but things are going so bad that I think I’ll go cry to the bathroom for then next half hour. Productive person, am I not?
To make things worse, the Epg is still making me feel like a student who has been caught on a test without studying. Actually, worse than that: she makes me feel as if she had told me to study chapter 3 and then she asks me about chapter 12. And there is nothing I can do about it! I can only feel weak, and small, and helpless, and hopeless, and the more I try, the more mistakes I make. I’ve said this before.
It doesn’t help that we have no defined tasks, so I begin to do something and then I find out that she is working on it too, and with more information than me. And more confidence. Because she’s been doing it for 12 years, as she never forgets to remind us (two or three times a day too, in case we were not paying attention the first time).
When these things happen (like she finds a mistake I had not seen, although most of the times it is a small detail, like a date or a missing letter) my only reaction is to shut whatever I was working on, double-click on the Internet icon and wander about any page I can think of. Or write here. Or lock myself in the bathroom and cry when I am really feeling bad. Occasionally my second impulse (after dropping whatever activity I was onto) is to go get a hot chocolate from the machine; then I think better of it. Most of the times I look out of the window and think I could just quit, find another occupation, but what? So I am back to thinking that I should leave. And what for, I ask myself? It would be just my luck to find a job with another set of colleagues like these. And I am getting old. And my cv is not very good after all, so nobody would pick me.
I wanted to start writing the new chapter of the Bookclub (because I am finally back to serious reading with a wonderful book, which I plan to finish over the weekend because I’m busy tonight and tomorrow), but things are going so bad that I think I’ll go cry to the bathroom for then next half hour. Productive person, am I not?
Labels: depression, job
posted by Peggy @ 11:08 AM
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