Here again...
Ok…I should be sleeping but cannot really. I needed to hear from Ian so much that I sneaked to the living room and quickly checked my email.
It is still unbelievable how connected we are: I have missed him like crazy today, and he emails me saying that he’s missed me lots today. It takes my breath away.
I am trying to concentrate and work for all the necessary things that need to be done: find a room, find a job, find a flight, prepare a list of things to take to Brighton, find a certificate to attach to the application form and complete the application form, and send the application form…Then go to the optometrist and have my glasses fixed, plus order new contacts, plus maybe have new lenses on old frame, just in case. Then see all my friends, show pictures, talk about the course, talk about this incredible thing that is happening, discuss future plans, hear enthusiastic comments, discuss more regarding my parents’ reaction (not so enthusiastic).
I have been here for a day and I feel good and bad, energetic and tired, happy and depressed. It is not easy.
I am working well and am confident about the future, knowing that I will find a job, something to get me started before I find something better, and hopefully I will sell my car so I will have some extra money too, and things will work out just fine, I have already some contacts for flats, I have even already found some interesting flights that will allow me to carry a heavy suitcase filled with clothes to survive for some months (at least until December, although I would think of going back to Italy only in January – anyway, this is thinking too much ahead).
But the tension, people…it’s been in the air since I announced my decision to move to Brighton and pursue, hold onto this breathtaking feeling, this special, wonderful person who is giving so much to me and who is willing to accept all the love I have and want to give. We are so good together, and now that we are apart we email and text continuously, missing each other like mad, emails to get to know each other, build and work on this special thing we have started.
But the tension at home…mother not happy about me, generally, because I have decided to move and do something completely unexpected, although half fulfilling her wish, that I be happy and find a good person to be with. Yes, she would prefer me at home, being the faithful daughter and housemaid, watching tv with her in the evening, going shopping, and all that. Somehow depending on her on an emotional and practical point of view (I don’t cook at home, I don’t iron, I only do the chores and the washing up…). Blaming it on the shrink who helped me waking up and getting out of my cage, although the shrink herself pointed out how I did it all by myself, with a tiny little help from her, really, and possibly unnecessary (I suppose it would have taken a little longer to do it by myself). At the end of the day, I am doing what is best for me, and I am quite tired of justifying it in front of her, who says I am denying my identity and origin, running away from problems I have created as some sort of excuse to leave. Father is worried on the practical side, strangely enough, wondering what will be of me if I leave without having found a job, first.
Seriously, people, I am tired: I can’t wait to leave and start this new Brighton life, the master I have always wanted to do, being independent after 3 years of cage, and be with this beautiful person, and share this special thing we have. No, I can’t wait.
I am trying to leave by the end of the month, as soon as things are ready, and I have a room and a ticket to fly: if I have found the job by then, all the better, otherwise I have some money and can start off with anything for the moment.
I miss Ian so much.
It is still unbelievable how connected we are: I have missed him like crazy today, and he emails me saying that he’s missed me lots today. It takes my breath away.
I am trying to concentrate and work for all the necessary things that need to be done: find a room, find a job, find a flight, prepare a list of things to take to Brighton, find a certificate to attach to the application form and complete the application form, and send the application form…Then go to the optometrist and have my glasses fixed, plus order new contacts, plus maybe have new lenses on old frame, just in case. Then see all my friends, show pictures, talk about the course, talk about this incredible thing that is happening, discuss future plans, hear enthusiastic comments, discuss more regarding my parents’ reaction (not so enthusiastic).
I have been here for a day and I feel good and bad, energetic and tired, happy and depressed. It is not easy.
I am working well and am confident about the future, knowing that I will find a job, something to get me started before I find something better, and hopefully I will sell my car so I will have some extra money too, and things will work out just fine, I have already some contacts for flats, I have even already found some interesting flights that will allow me to carry a heavy suitcase filled with clothes to survive for some months (at least until December, although I would think of going back to Italy only in January – anyway, this is thinking too much ahead).
But the tension, people…it’s been in the air since I announced my decision to move to Brighton and pursue, hold onto this breathtaking feeling, this special, wonderful person who is giving so much to me and who is willing to accept all the love I have and want to give. We are so good together, and now that we are apart we email and text continuously, missing each other like mad, emails to get to know each other, build and work on this special thing we have started.
But the tension at home…mother not happy about me, generally, because I have decided to move and do something completely unexpected, although half fulfilling her wish, that I be happy and find a good person to be with. Yes, she would prefer me at home, being the faithful daughter and housemaid, watching tv with her in the evening, going shopping, and all that. Somehow depending on her on an emotional and practical point of view (I don’t cook at home, I don’t iron, I only do the chores and the washing up…). Blaming it on the shrink who helped me waking up and getting out of my cage, although the shrink herself pointed out how I did it all by myself, with a tiny little help from her, really, and possibly unnecessary (I suppose it would have taken a little longer to do it by myself). At the end of the day, I am doing what is best for me, and I am quite tired of justifying it in front of her, who says I am denying my identity and origin, running away from problems I have created as some sort of excuse to leave. Father is worried on the practical side, strangely enough, wondering what will be of me if I leave without having found a job, first.
Seriously, people, I am tired: I can’t wait to leave and start this new Brighton life, the master I have always wanted to do, being independent after 3 years of cage, and be with this beautiful person, and share this special thing we have. No, I can’t wait.
I am trying to leave by the end of the month, as soon as things are ready, and I have a room and a ticket to fly: if I have found the job by then, all the better, otherwise I have some money and can start off with anything for the moment.
I miss Ian so much.
Labels: Love, the usual chaos
posted by Peggy @ 4:11 PM
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