Feeling better?

I don’t know when I will post this, because…well, this is my week so far, and what will be of me in the next days:

After a pretty decent weekend with lots of sunshine and lots of walking, where I spent some good hours at the library reading and working on internet, and on Sunday I went to church and the service was again so good, then I rushed (on foot) to the IT centre at uni to find some houses for my piccolino, who sounded so not happy on Saturday, when he called me to know how I was. I still want to make him happy, like I do with all the people I love. Of course he, like all the people that I love, will not let me do anything for him. This makes me very unhappy, but what can I do. The best I can do is try. Anyway. So, Sunday saw me in Hove at the church, then at the IT centre, then back “home” where I spent the rest of the day, watching dvd, reading, thinking…
Yesterday, Monday, I had a productive day in school, the morning lesson spent squashed in a very small room with 14 students, the afternoon beginning my new set of 1:1 lessons with a Lithuanian guy, whose English is a lot better than his colleague of the past two weeks, so I thought that life was going to be hard on me these two weeks with him..Ideas for 1:1 lessons for an upper-intermediate, anyone?
After that I went to town, and met Ian on the way. he gave me a hug, asked me if I wanted to go for coffee, but since I wasn’t sure about it he proposed a meeting at the library, where I was going. He arrived a short time later and updated me on his days so far, what with being a bit sick, what with having rushed again and signed a contract for a house in Hove which he didn’t really like, etc. Damn! I spent the rest of the day and the evening thinking of how I could help him, of how I could make him feel less unhappy, of what, literally what I could do to make him feel better. Triple damn, this situation is wearing me out. Things could be so much easier. In the evening I didn’t really feel like watching another movie, so I started watching a dvd which I want to use for one of my lessons this week, then switched my laptop off and started thinking, sort of meditating, which is something I am doing a lot more often, recently. Walking to work also helps me in that, it takes me about 45 minutes to get to work, and finally I am back to meditating, thinking deeply, like I used to some years ago, when things were different. Anyway. That is how I spent the last few days.
Today I had two of my most brilliant lessons, both with my lower-intermediate and with my 1:1; for the latter I must thank one of the teachers who gave me the inspiration (and the photocopy) to conduct a fantastic 45-minute lesson where I talked, he talked, he took notes, it was chatting and learning. Cool. I also signed my contract, and got the principal to accept to be my referee for the other jobs I have applied to, and so now I have a job until the end of December, I am crossing my fingers for more opportunities to come my way, which is what I am working for, and more inspiration for my lessons of the week. As a matter of fact, after signing the contract I went straight to the library, had a sort of lunch (yogurt…), prepared my lesson for tomorrow and worked for an hour on Internet, where I sent the other two applications to the uni. Cross your fingers, people, ok?
Finally I went back “home”, got changed, and went to see my new landlady in what is officially my new house, since I have signed the tenancy agreement, given the deposit, on Thursday I will give the first month’s rent, and got the keys. After that I went to see my new room, which has really everything in it! Bed, wardrobe, two chests of drawers, shelves, a bedside table (!), and a desk with a chair!!! I mean, perfect. I haven’t mentioned the big big window facing the street (I’m on the first floor), on the east, which means a lot of light when I wake up…cool. I feel so relieved and excited, and the landlady is so nice and kind. So then I decided against my walk (been walking all day anyway…), went for more yogurt, went back “home” and started packing my stuff. I thought I would bring it in two trips, walking, then decided that I would ask Ian. A quick exchange of texts and we will meet tomorrow here, and everything is packed, so one round should be enough, and with a little luck my ex landlady won’t be around. I will text her in the morning, though, to let her know that I am leaving. It would be very nice if she gave me my deposit back, but I don’t really expect her to do that, so hey, goodbye 100 quid. What can I do? People, listen to my advice: don’t believe ads on internet! And, as Nelson said, the English word “nice” does not correspond to the meaning you would read in a dictionary…anyway.
So for the days to come, here’s the plan:
Move to new house
Pay the first month’s rent
Shop for food for the cosy little cupboard of the cosy kitchen in the cosy new house
Conduct three more brilliant (or decent…I’ll be happy anyway) lessons, and find inspiration for next week’s lessons too - most of my students will still be there, and I have to be imaginative and original…thankfully I am;-)
Admin things: go to bank and inform about change of address, do the same in school.
Find a doctor and register!!!
And when I finally get my payslip, go and buy some useful things like: a pillow, MY mug, a container to bring my lunch to school, prepared with the food I will have stored in the cosy cupboard of the cosy kitchen in the cosy house…
All in all, I am happy. Things are moving, moving the right way, and although occasionally I feel this stinging pain somewhere deep in me, I cannot but thank God for the mornings of sun I wake up to, and the walks to work in the crisp morning air, and the fun I have in my classes, and the good work I am able to do, and the opportunities I have, and the new house I have found, and the nice time at the library, and the second chance I have been given to live my life fully, to give it a deeper meaning that just work and numbness. I am still grateful, in spite of the pain. And as Luisa said, I have an iron “skin”, I am a fighter. And as Luis, my Spanish student always used to say, everything will be all right. I only hope that Ian will soon be happy too.